Pregnancy was not easy. That I realized as my stomach grew and I became more and more afraid and worried. I worried about all the things that could go wrong during labor. I did not want to die. I wanted to be there for my child.
Besides the worry and fear, there were my mood swings. I had to say that Lucian was being very patient with me and I felt bad for him sometimes. I even felt bad for Ylva and Lydia who had to endure my outbursts.
Oliver and Callum followed me everywhere as usual and once in a while, I would yell at them as well. Sometimes because I just wanted to be alone and sometimes for no reason at all. Well, that’s what happens when you don’t get enough sleep because your stomach is in the way, when you constantly feel hungry and when everything feels uncomfortable.
“Lydia, Ylva I don’t want you to work for me anymore. Bring someone that I won’t feel bad yelling at. Like that maid Jessica or anyone you don’t like.” I said feeling really bad for my mood swings.
“No My Lady. I don’t trust anyone to take care of you now besides this is what I always wanted to do. To take care of you and your child.” Ylva said and Lydia nodded in agreement.
“Alright but don’t hate me, please.” I pleaded.
“That’s impossible, My Lady.” Lydia smiled.
I was so lucky to have them, even Oliver and Callum and everyone who had been patient with me. Irene who was there for me like a mother and Klara who listened to all my bullshit.
Oh, and now she was married to Roshan. Their wedding was extravagant and known to all the kingdoms. Clearly, Roshan’s father was a very powerful man who even helped Klara’s brother to expand his kingdom. Now the bloodthirsty king was even more feared. I always found Klara’s brother frightening but I had to admit he was very smart.
Lucian was also feared but the people in our kingdom loved him. Most of them at least. He had established a few enemies on the way, especially the wealthy and powerful. Those wanted to feed on the poor instead of helping them. But Lucian was untouchable now, especially with his demon army.
Apart from my own pregnancy struggles I had to say that these last three months had been very peaceful. Lucian wasn’t as busy as before and after reconciling with his mother he spent a lot of time with her. Things were also going a little bit better with his father. Men are just slow when it comes to expressing themselves I realized which made the matter more difficult than it should have been.
Roshan and Lucian became even more close and sometimes the four of us including Klara would have Lunch or dinner together while chatting about all kinds of things. Sometimes Irene and Lothaire would join us, as well.
One night as Klara and I spent time together she seemed sad and absent. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Nothing.”
“Is it you and Roshan?”
She sighed. “No, not really. I just…I feel bad for keeping the demon thing a secret from my siblings. It’s like I can’t look them in the eyes anymore because I have been lying too much.”
“Your brother might already know,” I said.
I remembered my conversations with him. He had believed that Lucian was the devil. Also from Irene’s story, powerful kings usually knew about demons and witches just like the previous king of Decresh. There was a big chance that Rasmus already knew and that could be the reason why he had been so curious about Lucian.
“I don’t…think he does.” She said skeptically.
“Just ask and see,” I suggested. “Ask if he believes demons exist and what he thinks of them and from there you can decide if you want to tell him or not.”
I could see from her face that she wasn’t convinced but she was going to give it a try. Klara cared for her family a lot and if they did not know about demons telling them would be a life-changing decision for both her and her family.
“Everything is going to be alright,” I assured her and I really thought it would. I had seen how Astrid and Rasmus treated Klara. They were so protective that they treated her more like a daughter than a sister. I knew they were a family who would always stick together.
Sometimes it made me wonder what it would be like to have such a family and sometimes it made me miss my mother, even if she never acted like a mother. I wanted her to see her grandchild. I would surely visit her someday. Even if she wasn’t a good mother she was still my mother. The woman who gave birth to me and carried me for nine-month. Now being pregnant myself I knew the difficulties she went through.
That night I sat in our room and wrote her a letter. I told her about my pregnancy and that I would visit her sometime. I also told her that I missed her.
“What are you doing?” Lucian towered over me where I sat and looked at the letter. He put a hand on my shoulder. “You miss your mother?” He asked.
He sat at the table and took my hand in his. “You will meet your mother. I’ll arrange for it. Whether you want to go visit her or bring her here you decide.”
“Thank you.” I smiled.
I never thought mother would reply to my letter so fast and I could almost hear the joy in her voice yet there was a hint of sadness I felt. I cried and I wasn’t even sure why. Maybe I had missed her more than I thought and I was so happy she replied.
We kept sending letters back and forth as the month passed by and the day for labor neared. I told her about my fears and she comforted me. In all the 18 years I lived with her we never spoke this much like we did these last month. I made a good decision in contacting her.
And then the day came, after a few painful days the pain hit me like never before. I remembered telling the midwife to just take the baby out and make it all end and sometimes I really thought I would die. Then I heard the cry of my child and the pain fled to the back of my head, so far back I didn’t even know or care that I was in pain. All I wanted was to hold my child.
“It’s a girl, Your Majesty.” The midwife said sounding sympathetical.
I reached my arms out and she placed her in my arms. Tears flooded my eyes just from the feeling of holding her and then they ran down my cheeks like rivers upon seeing her face. I had never seen anything more beautiful. My heart melted in an instant. The joy was so overwhelming that I wasn’t even paying attention to Irene and Lucian who had been there the whole time.
Lucian looked so pale and scared yet relieved at the same time. He had addressed his fear of losing me to childbirth a few times before so I could understand why he seemed so terrified. He looked like he was going to faint but tried to keep it together.
I reached my hand for him. “Come.”
Unsteadily he came closer and sat beside me. We both stared at our child in my arms for a while. Both of us fascinated, awed and very emotional. Everyone in the room left us alone, even Irene knowing that we needed some time together.
“Do you want to hold her?” I asked him since he was so quiet.
“I might drop her or…or hurt her.” He said panicking.
“You won’t, Lucian. You are the last person to hurt her. Here.”
Slowly I placed her in his arms. He held her gently and slowly tears filled his eyes as well as he studied her face. He touched her clenched small hands with his finger and that’s when a tear fell down his cheek.
“Heaven.” He whispered.
“I know.” I smiled. “She feels like heaven.”
He nodded. “Her name. We should name her Heaven.”
Heaven. It was a beautiful name.
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