Heaven was preparing to go to bed after leaving Gina and Zarin to fight alone. There was so much she wanted to say to Zarin, but it felt like he wouldn’t care or listen. Lately he had been disregarding her wishes and emotions, and she couldn’t understand why. His behavior was hurting her feelings.
She was tired of being the one to try to make their friendship work. She was tired of running after him, and now she was tired of trying to make him listen to her. Not once had he taken her feelings into consideration.
But now more than being angry with him, she was worried for him. He had angered Zamiel, and she wasn’t sure if Zamiel would stay quiet his time. Maybe she should go meet him again, beg him to forgive Zarin’s reckless behavior.
Zamiel had warned her to not come to him, that he would send her to heaven next time she did, but she didn’t believe his words. Besides, she had to do something to fix the mess Zarin created.
Going to the mirror, Heaven let her hair down to cover her neck, before teleporting herself to his home. Once she was in front of his old house, she picket up earth and grass from the ground and rubbing it on her skin. She wanted to get rid of her scent so she wouldn’t add to his suffering.
Then carefully she stepped inside his home. Darkness filled the halls and rooms as usual. Heaven followed his scent. This time it was mixed with the scent of burning wood. When she came to his room, the first thing she noticed was the fire burning in the hearth and Zamiel sat next to it in an armchair. He seemed to rest, his face looked relaxed and his eyes were closed. But his condition seemed to worsen. He looked even more dead this time.
“I knew you would come.” He spoke with his eyes still closed. “If you came to beg for your friend’s life, don’t bother. I have no desire to fight a boy.”
Heaven stood there quietly, not knowing what to say. If she didn’t have to beg for her friend’s life, then there was nothing else to do here.
Slowly, Zamiel opened his eyes and stared into hers. His eyes did not reflect his body’s weakness, he still looked at her with the same intensity.
“Do you remember what I told you last time?”
Heaven knew what he was referring to. “That you would send me to heaven if I came here.”
“So you do remember?” He asked. “Then don’t you value your life or do you have so much faith in me?”
“I have faith in my judgement of you.” She said.
“And what is your judgment of me?”
“That you have a good judgment.”
Zamiel tilted his head to one side and studied her closely. Heaven’s heart raced as his gaze went up and down her body before it lingered on her neck. A smile made its way to his lips.
It took a moment for Heaven to realize that he was smiling at the fact that she rubbed mud and grass on her body.
“Don’t worry. I have the urge under control.�� He assured her.
Heaven panicked. What did that mean? Did he not have feelings for her anymore? Did his hatred for witches prevail at the end? Heaven didn’t want that. She did not want him to hate her, but she didn’t want him to suffer either. Maybe this was for the best. If he fought the urge and their bond broke, he would be free from suffering.
But at the same time, Heaven thought his words didn’t match his condition. He might have the urge under control for now because he was starving and weakening himself.
“You will kill yourself if you don’t eat.” She told him.
“If it were only that easy.” He said.
“You have to eat.” She said ignoring him. “Wait!”
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Without waiting for his reply, she teleported back home. She snuck into the kitchen and stole a bread and a few fruits.
Wait! How could she easily teleport back home this time?
Not having time to think, she went back to Zamiel’s house with the food. Just like she told him, he waited for her. He still sat where she left him. Heaven went to him and put the food on the table.
“I just brought a little for now, but I can bring more if you are still hungry.” She told him. “There is no reason to starve yourself if you have the urge under control.”
A frown settled on his face as he looked at her and then at the bread. He lifted it slowly from the table and studied it for a while. Heaven wondered if she did something wrong because suddenly his face twisted with disgust and his eyes gleamed with hatred.
“The last meal I had was bread.” He spoke before looking up at her. “It was poisoned.”
Heaven looked into his stormy eyes, realizing that she had awoken the hatred in him. “I would never…”
Suddenly he was out of his chair and grabbed her by the hair, bringing her face close to his. Heaven groaned in pain.
“You want to lock me inside again, don’t you? So that I won’t hurt your dear friend.” His fury was frightening and his grip on hair was so strong she thought he would tear her hair out. “You could have just asked. Have I not kept my word to not hurt your family? I thought you would be different.” He spat in disgust.
Heaven could not handle the pain, so she did what she had to do. She kneed him in the groin. That always worked, no matter how strong the demon was.
Zamiel did not make a sound, but she could see the pain on his face as he moved let go of her hair and she moved away from him. Before he could recover, she hurried to pick up the bread.
“Wait!” She held her hands out as he turned to her with a murderous look in his eyes. Heaven took a piece of the bread and stuffed it in her mouth. She chewed it grimly.
Now his expression turned from anger to confusion.
Heaven swallowed the piece. “See. I didn’t poison it.” She said.
Zamiel just stared at her. So many emotions went through his eyes.
Heaven put the bread back on the table before looking at him. “I trusted you when I came here. I don’t expect you to trust me easily, but there is no reason to live if you want to continue living in hatred.” She told him. “Right now, no one is making you suffer but you.”
Zamiel was taken aback by her words. The anger in his eyes returned to pain. Heaven hated it. She did not intend to hurt him by realizing the truth, but her words would hopefully help him in the future.
Again, she knew that so many years of pain and suffering would not disappear in a night. She knew it would take time, but something in her was stirring up to life and causing her to feel impatient. She would always have to distract herself, to get rid of the voices that told her to take care of him, protect him, heal him and most of all make him her man.
Yes, she had to admit that she wanted him to belong to her. She wanted to ruin his plans for fighting the urge. If it wasn’t for the part of her that cared for his feelings she would not be able to stay away. It felt like she had to fight some unknown urges as well.
Zamiel looked away from her. His hands clenched into fists, his claws piercing through his skin. It was like the pain was his food and the suffering was his home. He refused to let go of it because he thought he belonged there.
He needed someone to pull him out of this dark sea and show him what was above. Heaven went and stood in front of him, so he could see her face. He still refused to look at her.
“Zamiel, you deserve better than this. You should not be the one suffering, they should. The best way to have your revenge is to be happy. Your family would not want you to live like this.”
Heaven knew it was risky to speak of his family, but she was willing to take that risk.
Zamiel still refused to look at her.
Heaven sighed. “If you decide to stop your suffering, I will be waiting for you.” She told.
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